Conjured remedies
I found myself feeling a plethora of emotions today: Sadness, Anger, Fear, including feelings of hopelessness. This Thursday I was in a very lethargic physical state. Once I sat down and spoke to my mother I realized that I cannot take any shortcuts or try to be passive. For this period of healing I need to be alone from time to time and then reward myself by being surrounded by my closest friends.
Over and over again I continue to find a state of mental peace, create a resolution in my mind, and then shortly after I trip & fall due to careless and mindless thinking, and within an instant, my wounds are torn open once again. I am tired of cleaning up the blood. I have to focus on my school work and my goals, for there is a lot ahead of me on this journey. I do not know how long it will take, but love and affection—-one that is intimate and deep is something I can do well without right now (albeit my longing desire for it.) It runs in my D.N.A and is a part of my nature—the one of a hopeless romantic. I refuse to be in love with the idea of being in love anymore.This is the time for me to fall in love with myself and appreciate all that I am.
I will not attain that essential love through loving anyone else.
